Caramel Macchiato-

Saturday, November 2, 2013

真っ白なまま燃え尽きていたい
なんとなく通り過ぎた日に吠えて
真っ暗な道駆け抜けていたい
Ah 夢中でぶつけたいんだ
今という今を生きる
その為に

We want our lives to burn out while they are still pure white
Roaring at the days that just seem to pass by
We want to run across the pitch-dark road
Ah, we want to be madly engrossed and put our feelings across
So that we can live in the present called the status quo
And that is why

thank you Gendou for the lyrics

I really like the chorus
and most of all, the first line.

It exposes the 21st century mentality for what it truly is: Jaded.

Signing off @ 10:30 AM

Sunday, October 27, 2013

I am going to rant because wtf 1029, wtf.

Basically, 1029 is this ENGLISH module about ENGLISH dialects.
And the bottom line is: SOMEONE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO DICTATE PROPERLY.

Wtf 1029, we are the SCHOOL OF ENGLISH.
WTF. SCHOOL OF ENGLISH.
AND YOU CAN'T ARRANGE YOUR SYNTAX PROPERLY?

And it's not the first time that we students have had to take this crap from you.

Before every seminar, we have to DECODE.
Yes, D-E-FUCKING-C-O-D-E what seems to be a string of English gibberish.

[It's basically throwing a bunch of English words together
and at the end of the day,
you do not know
what in the whole of Middle Earth do they want.]

I have TRIED. God damned, I have tried.
I spend an hour every week just trying to make sense of your nonsensical questions,
before actually answering them when really,
maybe if you stopped downing alcohol or smoking weed whilst typing out the worksheets,
you might have been able to inject some sort of clarity in it?

Maybe even an ounce because damned,
you need SKILL to be this incomprehensible.

I could spend these precious hours READING up on other stuff,
doing assignments that actually make sense but nooo.
Fuck. I am stuck here, trying to read this,
and every week, my poor 1029 tutor has to apologize for your shit sentences.

"I'm not a native speaker."

Who the fucking hell cares?
If you're going to use that to justify yourself,
then fuck off the School of English and Languages because obviously,
someone needs a career change.

So let's say, you have a whole trove of knowledge in that brain,
which is good, or you wouldn't be a doctor or whatever.
But how. HOW. did you triumph over PHD standards when your sentences are as sensible as Dr. Seuss'?

Good god.
I pray so hard that you are not the same lecturer from Creative Writing [I heard],
who can't even tell the difference between 'lost' and 'loose'.

"You had a lost woman... Or was it 'loose woman'?"

I can't even BELIEVE these sort of things could happen in a university.
Every other lecturer and tutor that I have met are absolutely brilliant
and are the epitome of what I'd love to strive to be in the future.

But not you.
Oh-ho. Nope. Not you.

I absolutely refuse to allow my [future] students to peruse over my questions like a fucking catalogue in another language because they don't know which to start with first.

What the fuck, 1029. What the fuck.

Signing off @ 4:42 PM

Yes, you got it.

Educated Procrastination
is currently shining at its best.

Four backlogged assignments,

and guess how I spent the precious day

that started out with the promise of finished assignments?

That's right.

BEING SOCIAL.

[I'm not usually a social creature.]

On the bright side,

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I even got to edit someone's work..

But wait-

Here's the catch.

WE ARE DOING THE SAME ASSIGNMENT.

I can do another person's work,

just not my own.

How messed up is that? Lol

I shall now wallow in pity whilst I stay up
and doeth some actual work.

It's not that I can't say 'no' to favors,

or that I was bullied or forced into it.

I just want to do ANYTHING except what I actually have to do.

[Even better when I can gain knowledge about everything except what I actually have to learn lol]

[Well, I prefer that over plain ol' Procrastination.]

[Wouldn't you? Or.. Maybe not?]

On a sidenote,

I discovered yesterday that the more alcohol I take in,

the more I want to clean things.

How strange is that?

But then again, what lieth behind this intention to clean?

What is at its root?

Can you figure it out? ;)

Workaholic time.

Signing off @ 3:47 PM

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I have an astonishing revelation.

This is the backstory:

I remember, when I was 5,
that I did well in English and Chinese.
I remember doing well up till when I was 7.

That was when I entered primary school.

I remember... Starting to mess up and watching my grades drop,
and no one had to tell me that I had to choose.

I just did.

I remember very vividly,
the day I told myself, as a 7 year old kid

"Rachel, choose between English or Chinese and never look back."

I remember thinking of the relevancy of each language in my life (present and future),
and decided on English..

And here I am, 15 years later,
studying linguistics and the English language.
(Never looked back)
(Though I still, with all my heart, wish that I can have both languages under my belt)

Isn't it strange how one thought as a child could affect the older self so many years later?

What is more astonishing though,
(and this is why I'm writing this now)
is that a certified linguist is supporting my thought from when I was a 7 year old child!

From The Infinite Gift by Charles Yang,

"In other words, children learn a language by unlearning all other possible languages."

How interesting!
And how, even more fascinating, is the fact that a child can actually be aware and choose.

*pauses*

Well,
this book is one of my main texts this semester.

At least it isn't boring.

I'll go back to studying now.

*dives back into the world of linguistics*

Signing off @ 1:36 PM

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Heya.
I understand that I have not been on since... forever haha.

I know, I know.
Crucify me. I deserve it. Lol

You weird people.
I genuinely expected no one and I click 'stats' and hello, what's this.
I still have readers!

What keeps you going?
I have no idea.
[Don't answer that.]

Quick update:

The plans that I talked about whilst in Brazil have been going smoothly.
I am now in the UK, doing my undergraduate studies.

I've been here since September and the whole process has just been an absolute dream.
The environment, the people, everything here has been such an adventure.
[Still is.]

Just a short detour, but I got back from London just yesterday.
I was visiting some of my family and friends [I currently live in the North lol]
but not the point.

My point is:
My train took an hour long detour and
I remember being frustrated and thinking

"Good Lord, I'm not going to get home at this rate."
[The train was going at a normal bicycle pace. I'm not even joking right now.]

And it hit me.

I have only been here for a month,
and I am calling this place: H o m e

I'd really like to delve deeper into this psychological aspect,
but for now, let's leave it to one side.

Yes, I consider the UK my home now.
Well, for now.

I have made some amazing friends as well,
and this is actually what I'd like to write about today.

I met up with an old, old friend in London,
met this big ole' teddy bear en route to York,
and have made so many amazing people I now call friends here that..

Isn't it strange how one person can affect you?

I can remember quotes and memories of what Le Old Friend said 7 years ago
and honestly, I really wonder why.

Have you ever sat down and thought about how a person could just-
change you?

In all honesty, most of the people I've met in my life,
no matter how old our relationship was or how important they are [supposedly] to me,
will merely leave a mark as deep as a handprint in the sand.

Two seconds later,
and it's gone.

And then there's just some people who leave a mark so deep,
you wonder if they did some martial arts training in that area.

Big Ole' Teddy Bear is one of them.

Just spending a mere 15 minutes with him made me see so many things in a different light.
I know that I'll never forget him - or what he said.

And as a stranger, to me, I could never fathom the effect that he would have on me much later when he stepped into my cabin and plonked himself down opposite me as though he owned the whole car.

Let's get this straight.
I am not talking about romantic or sentimental feelings.

This has just been on my mind the entire day,
and I can turn around and say that I have been as unimpressive OR impressive to different people around me.

Do I want to leave a lasting mark?

What kind of mark do I want to leave behind?

Just some of my thoughts.

Also this evening,
I have spent good hours just literally, reading up on the Last Tsar and his family,
and ADHD just because it has nothing to do with my actual research and assignments.

I dub it: Educated Procrastination

How original.
I know.
I should be given an award.

Well, I should go study then.

I will update you again.
[And expect one very soon because my assignments are due.]
[EP. Woohoo.]

Signing off @ 4:12 PM

Friday, March 22, 2013

Opening 2 ~ Gintama by okwanz

君の後ろ姿を　ぼくは見つめていたんだ
長く長く君の背中を　ぼくは頼りにしてたんだ
自分がいるところを　いつも仮の場所だと
逃げて逃げて夢の世界へ　君の声を抱きしめる

友と恋と裏目に出る純粋が
青い自意識を　キリキリ痛めつける

ああ　どろり重い心引きずって
体だけは丈夫なので　今日も笑っていよう

I was gazing at your appearance from behind
Gradually, gradually, I have begun to depend on you
The place that I'm at will always be a temporary one
I run away, run away to the world of dreams, holding onto your voice tightly

With friendship and love and failings revealed
My pale self-consciousness is quickly rebuked by the truth

Aa, I struggle on, pulling along the thoughts in my heart
As my body is still strong, I can laugh today as well

Thank you Gendou for the lyrics

Signing off @ 9:31 AM

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Thank you scoobydoo.wikia.com

This is what happens when I'm not fed proper meals.
I TRANSFORM INTO YOGI BEAR BY MOONLIGHT.

Lol.

Yeah, I didn't have a proper dinner,
so I was scavenging for food in the cupboards like Yogi in a picnic basket.

Man,
I'm telling you right now.

It ain't easy being Yogi.

I found some Campbell cans,
and I was like SCORE!
And then it turned out that it was between Clam Chowder and some Scallop thing.

So.
Chowder it is.

*looks at the top*

NO.
They changed it to the tab kind,
so you'll have to pull it instead of using a can opener.
While that is easy for the masses,
the last time I did it,
I left a piece of my own flesh behind an old lady's refrigerator,
and blood splashed all over the wall like a movie scene out of Saw.

So.
NO.

I looked at the bottom,
oh you gotta be kidding me.

YEAR 2011??

*sigh*
*puts it back into the cupboard*
[On second thought, I should have just chucked it away]

What else, what else..

Urgh.
No more instant noodles, please. T-T

*Looks into another cupboard*

...We have nothing but flour.
WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH FLOUR??
[For baking, I know.]
[But still. Srsly. -.-]

Ok. Ok.
Check the fridge.

*opens fridge*

AHA. SOUP.
PROPER. HOMEMADE. SOUP.

*quickly takes it out and opens it*

Yes.
"You gotta be kidding me..."

A whole layer of lard was floating on the surface.

*sigh*
Guess I'll go hungry tonight.
I'm not a happy camper.
[Haha get it!! I'm so punny.]
[Because it's Yogi?]
[And Yogi steals from campers??]
[Ah nevermind.]

Signing off @ 8:25 AM